I recently had a situation in one of my classes that gave me a much bigger lesson than the assignment itself.

The discussion prompt was about social ethics. We were asked to identify a historic failure of the church, a current global crisis, and then consider how the church’s “unfinished reckoning” with that failure affects its public witness.

That is an important question. It requires us to look honestly at the church, not just point at the brokenness of the world around us. It harkens to the idiom about making sure your side of the fence is tidy before you go scrutinizing others’ gardening prowess.

One classmate, however, took the discussion in a completely different direction. Without identifying her, the basic argument was that certain people could not be Christians because of their beliefs or identities. The actual assignment was largely ignored in favor of deciding who could and could not legitimately call themselves Christian.

That is where I think we need to make an important distinction.

I believe Christians are called to take Scripture seriously. I believe we should be able to discuss sin, doctrine, morality, biblical authority, and disagreement without avoiding difficult conversations. We should be able to say, “I believe this is contrary to Scripture.” We should be able to disagree with someone’s interpretation of the Bible. We should be able to challenge ideas and behaviors. But the one thing we cannot do? We cannot determine someone else’s salvation.

Discernment is real. If someone is wielding a knife and staring at me menacingly, I can reasonably assume they probably do not have my best interests at heart. That is wisdom, and no, it is not limited to a Michael Myers Halloween scenario. But whether someone genuinely belongs to Christ is between that person and God. Jesus is the Judge. God knows the heart. You and I? We certainly do not.

We can recognize harmful behavior. We can disagree deeply with someone’s theology. We can say something is wrong. What we cannot do is appoint ourselves the authority on who is “really” a Christian. That kind of reasoning quickly turns into the no-true-Scotsman fallacy.

This woman is also someone who has very clearly pronounced, in class, that she does not have to love other people – just her family and close friends. Even with that flying in the face of very simple and core tenets of Christianity my six year old can readily understand, I still would not say this woman is not a Christian. It is not my job.

Ironically, this takes us right back to the assignment: the church’s public witness:

How we treat people while talking about Jesus is part of that witness. If our answer to every theological disagreement is to declare that someone does not belong to Christ, we need to examine whether we have confused biblical discernment with playing judge.

If I were not a Christian and heard believers deciding who was and was not a Christian (especially according to their personal politics), I would not be very inclined to listen to them talk about Christ. We are ambassadors of Christ. That shouldn’t make us paranoid about every move we make but it should affect how we speak to people, even when we disagree.

This situation has also been a lesson in dealing with difficult people.

I have dealt with difficult people before, especially in the military, but this has been especially discouraging because it is happening in a ministerial program where we are supposedly learning to be church leaders. This has not been one disagreement, either. It has been a pattern of interrupted conversations, dominated discussions, and disrespect toward classmates and even professors.

At one point, after speaking for about ten minutes (about nothing pertaining to the class), this person was not called on again. The professor called on me instead, and her hot mic caught her saying, “God, this is going to take forever.” She crossed her arms petulantly and huffed, sinking back into her chair. Okay, given my verbose nature, I can understand how she might have reached that conclusion. But also…I don’t spout crazy, hateful nonsense or go off on completely unrelated non-sequiturs. I might talk a lot, and I might get animated, but at least I generally try to stay on topic.

That moment struck me particularly, not because people are never allowed to be frustrated (we all have bad moments), but because it was an audible tantrum at someone else being given the opportunity to speak.

And it made me ask: What do I do with this?

The easy Christian response can sometimes be, “Just keep the peace.” But biblical peace is not the same as avoiding conflict at all costs. Unity, grace, and patience all matter immensely. We are not called to pick fights or make every disagreement a hill to die on. Peace, however, is not appeasement in the same way that forgiveness is not condoning or giving permission to recommit the offense.

Harmony does not require me to surrender my peace or pretend something is fine when it is not. Sometimes a boundary needs to be established. Sometimes something needs to be addressed respectfully rather than quietly tolerated until everyone else is exhausted.

I can choose not to retaliate. I can choose not to gossip, humiliate, or escalate. I can extend grace. I can accomplish all those goals and still say, “This is not okay.” That is not unloving. Not to toot my own horn, but I think it is part of Christian maturity.

We are called to love people, but loving someone does not mean allowing them to continually disrespect everyone around them. I do not have to judge someone’s heart in order to recognize that their behavior is disruptive or inappropriate. I can leave their heart in God’s hands while still setting boundaries for myself.

Additionally, I do not want to become so focused on identifying everyone else’s failures that I forget to examine my own (Matthew 7:3-5). I want my response to difficult people to look more like Jesus, not because difficult behavior should never be confronted, but because the way we confront it is the worthier part.

Sometimes the most peaceful thing we can do is speak the truth respectfully, establish the boundary, and let God handle the heart.